the pull of spaghetti is irresistable!

well. friday we celebrated our 4 year anniversary! actually, we mostly argued about where we were going to eat and if avery would come with us or not...in the end we stayed in and ate chinese food :) (and i got a beautiful bunch of flowers on saturday morning-complete with cards, coffee and a bagel.)

but...the best part...!

grandma kathy is here! she got in yesterday afternoon and we've been having a blast ever since. not only did we take our FIRST 2 STEPS today (!!!! YAY!!!!), pull out most of the enormous bushes in front of the house, find avery a cute pair of soft shoes that fit her feet, we also had fun creating a mess (and a FULL belly) with spaghetti :)

here was the progression of the meal...

clean and pretty pre-dinner

after a few minutes of being demure and cautious, she finally digs in!

she alternated between throwing pieces on the floor, stuffing her face and touching her face :)

"MORE MORE MORE!"

i think it was a hit!

i wonder if she'll have any fun with cake next month? haha...

full fall weekend!

HERE is the album from this weekend

we had a pretty busy weekend! on saturday morning we joined meghan, michael and "team moretti" for a 3 mile walk for diabetes in boston. it was a beautiful (and windy/chilly) day, and we were happy to be out and about. the "walk" turned out to be "standing" for large chunks of time and in the end (or halfway through) it was almost avery's lunchtime and we hadn't brought enough food to keep her going. my dad picked us up in cambridge and we got home in time for her to eat and finally nap before a breakdown :)

on saturday evening we had a bunch of people over for an overdue housewarming/oktoberfest party :) we had our beer ready for people to taste (i think it was a hit! most people went back for a second or more!), lots and lots of food (zane will be eating pulled pork for weeks!) and an impromptu destruction site in the basement when the guys helped zane destroy an old couch so we could use it for firewood outside. all in all, a great time. i always feel guilty when we host something and i dont get a chance to really see/talk to everyone, but hopefully people had a good time! avery had so much fun at the beginning when some of the neighbor kids came over and kept her entertained :) and she was a trooper when we put her to bed without her usual bath routine. she only woke up once during the night and went back down with a little shushing.

on sunday we decided to take avery, the dogs and grammy apple picking :) despite the cold, mud, bugs and hoards of people, we had fun. we got lots of apples for snacking and pie making, some shots of avery with apples and pumpkins, the dogs had fun roaming the fields, we ate apple doughnuts and a scenic ride through the backroads with lots of foliage and fall decorations.

******we're WHAT?!?!?******

ok. so not many (actually, make that NO ONE) is seeing this post for another few months, but i want to get it out there for zane and i (and our kiddoS :))

i woke up last night a few times with a strange pounding in my chest. it wasn't painful, just annoying and it wasn't until the 3rd or so time i woke up that i started remembering when i had felt it before.

morning came, zane was downstairs watching sports. avery was just waking up. i decided to take a test--suspicious, but REALLY not expecting anything. almost immediately i saw the "+" forming. i ran to avery's room, grabbed her from her crib and ran downstairs, shoved the test on the arm of the couch next to zane and said "does that look like a plus to you?!?!"

confusion. speechlessness. giddiness. fear. hugs. kisses. avery playing on the rug like any other day...

we took a walk with the dogs and avery and tried to make sense of it all. we went apple picking with the dogs, avery and my mom and i started getting excited seeing all the families there with toddlers and young babies. we come home and it's back to shock.

i started thinking about all those times, in the days and weeks following paul's death, when i'd be sitting with avery in the rocking chair and saying to myself, saying outloud to paul "PLEASE, please give me some sign that you're ok. that we'll all be ok. that things are ok."

in a time of so much hurt and disbelief and grief, i think things are going to be ok :)

things i learned in 10 months

avery is 10 months today! (her expression shows how i'm feeling :) see an ALBUM here from the last few days) last year around now i was hoping and expecting avery (or the baby known as "piggy") to be making its appearance in about a month (i remember hoping for a late october birth. 10-27-07 always sounded like a good date). little did i know she'd wait until the very last moment to join us :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY aunite monkey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cant wait to see you saturday to give you your card and present!

some things that i've learned in 10 short months. things i had never heard (or had heard and not believed), been told about, or read about in magazines. important things that have changed me for the better.
1. that being a mom really is the hardest thing i've ever done. it's 24 hours a day, with no sick time or vacation time. no "weekends" or half days where your responsibilities are on hold. you're on call at all hours, in all circumstances. and as tough as it can be, it's the best thing i've ever done and wouldn't change anything at all.
2. that no matter how much i vacuum (everyday), she will still manage to find the one crumb, the one piece of lint that's on the floor and put it in her mouth.
3. that i wouldn't care about using my bare hand as her kleenex.
4. that schedules and routines really are important. they help the days flow so much smoother.
5. that there are times where i want some of my own free time so badly. most times i dont get it (or dont take it) because i know how much i'll miss her and want her with me as soon as i walk out of the house.
6. that i would gladly give her anything i have if it would make her happy. my keys to chew on? sure! the last piece of pizza i've been saving and starving for? absolutely. my summer sunning so she could get her naps on time or play inside and not get sunburnt? i've got the pale arms to prove it. hours upon hours of lost sleep for pacifier retreival, rocking and shushing, trips in the dark to rest my hand on her belly to feel it rise, and feedings? name the time (i already know the place)
7. that if i could be the one sick/in pain/unhappy so she wouldnt have to be, i would. seeing her miserable is one of the saddest experiences i know.
8. that her innocence and pure nature makes me teary and awe-struck.
9. that for how little they are, it really is amazing how much room they (and all their stuff) take up.
10. that a box (or piece of paper or set of keys) beats an expensive store bought toy anyday.
11. what an awesome, terrifying and emotional job it is to be responsible for such an amazing little life.
12. that i would have bought myself nearly nothing new to wear in the past 10 months b/c i'd rather buy her stuff. she's in all the pictures i take anyway, so it all makes sense :)
13. that even though i thought i wouldn't care about the extra pounds on me once she got here, i do. but i don't want to.
14. that i really do miss the newborn days, and i really dont remember a lot of the exhaustion and tears (both of ours :)).
15. that the thought of the future and everything she (and we as a family) have to look forward to makes me giddy.
16. that i could feel closer and more in love with zane than i did on the day i met him, married him and gave birth to his daughter. it's not always easy or fun, but it's such a strong and wonderful connection that just keeps growing.

can you hear me now?

zane was supposed to ride 25 miles today by bike to raise money for kids/families in massachusetts (if we didn't email you and you want to donate, let me know!) it was raining for most of the day though, so no ride. instead, we went to see james and brian for some delicious breakfast and good company. after avery gave them a big fat lip of anxiety and sadness, she warmed up tremendously and by the time we were ready to leave, she was crawling over james' legs playing with toys on the floor.

this picture just cracks me up...she kept picking up her toys and putting them to her ear, so james got out his phone and she answered :)

i have more pictures but the computer's being so slow. tomorrow-if the weather cooperates-we hope to get apple picking (it's the end of september and i haven't picked an apple yet!!! :() and i'll try to combine all the pictures into an album. hope everyone's saturday nights are going well :)

i'll answer that

it's dreadful outside. rainy. cold. yuck. avery's just about to pull her hair out!

the animals are super mad that i won't let them go out (the cat's-at all, the dogs-for very long).

we needed something to do, so we headed to the grocery store (with grammy in tow!)

we're going down a crowded aisle. there's a man that works there, emptying some boxes and stocking the shelves. he's got his scanner thing with him and something went wrong. it started beeping and beeping and beeping. it almost sounded like an alarm. we look ahead of us at avery in the shopping cart and she's got her hand up to her ear, answering her "phone". priceless :)



we have an old cell phone that we let her play with and whenever we talk with gramma kathy on the phone, we try and let avery say a few things--or just listen. recently, she's been holding her cell phone to her face and we say "ring ring ring! someone's on the phone for avery!" or some version of that, but always starting with "ring ring ring!" i guess she heard real ringing (or beeping) and played the game all by herself.


i love her.

up we go!

her early days of stair climbing :)

it's FALL!!!

today's the first full day of fall and i couldn't be happier :) i ADORE fall. almost as much as i adore avery...



we had a really low key weekend which was great for trying to recouperate. (now zane has whatever avery and i had/have.) on saturday morning we took a long walk down to the center of town for bagels and coffee. it was downright cold when we started out (low/mid 40's) so we all bundled up and enjoyed the fall :) we finally figured out an easy way for one person to walk both dogs and the baby at the same time, and once we got into a good rhythm, avery fell fast asleep. she's usually so interested in what's going on that she won't sleep anywhere but her bed. must have been the fresh air...

on saturday night we had meghan and michael over for steaks on the grill and a small bonfire/fire pit. no pictures, but it was a good time :) again, cold, but it was perfect for burning some of the yard stuff that zane's been clearing out.

about a week ago, avery had climbed two steps and then pretended she forgot how to do it. yesterday, i was upstairs in her room putting clothes away when i heard her and zane's voice getting louder. she climbed up the entire stairway all by herself with zane trailing behind. :) and now she's got cruising down to an art. i've got a video that i'll try and post later.

on that subject, i've started the enormous task of downloading all our videos onto our computer. out of necessity really...i tried taking a video the other day and it said the memory was full. 472 videos will fill up the camera i guess :)

"it's like, beer!"

...zane's comment tonight when we tried our first beer :)

it's been almost 2 weeks since we bottled them and since they say it can take up to 3 weeks to reach the greatest taste, we thought we'd do taste tests every few days. tonight was the first and we both agreed that it was 100% drinkable right now, but we're going to give it a little more time to get more carbonated.

before opening. (we brought it up from the basement and put it in the fridge to get a bit chilled.)

after opening and tasting. :)

it definitely has a more "natural" taste than your average beer. but it's sam adams-esque and completely our own! (tony's too...he's coming to visit this weekend i think so he'll get a chance to taste his creation! :))

and a couple pictures of avery for those not interested in home brewing...

for jen and nate...

avery's face when she's watching yo gabba gabba!

my view from the top :)

mmm, lo mein noodles...

turning the corner...

a little ALBUM from the past week :)

we've had pretty miserable days (but more so, nights) around here lately. we've had sad spirits, i'm getting over a cold and avery's in the middle (maybe the end?) of her cold...those things combined have made for pretty crappy sleep since saturday (and even though zane has been spared getting sick, he's not getting anymore sleep than the rest of us :(). things just seemed dreary and uncomfortable and we were just trying to get through...

and then came the crash. zane and i were standing in the front hall/kitchen hall yesterday after he came home and avery was crawling around as usual. we heard a thump and then her cry. she was just feet from us-probably trying to climb her hands up the front door- and she had fallen. zane scooped her up and before he could finish "i wonder what she hit", i saw the bright blue line already forming on her forehead. she screamed (though only for a few minutes, i was surprised), we put ice on her head as much as she'd let us, zane looked shocked and i tried to repeat in a calm voice "it's okay, you're okay, things are fine!"

within minutes she had calmed down and wanted to go back to doing her own thing. the blue line turned purple then grew and is now a lovely bump with a bruise. :( i know it's the first of many falls, but this was quite the way to be introduced to "toddlerhood". after a call to her dr who told me just to watch for any behaviors that seemed unusual, we had a low key night and tried getting her to sleep early. she was up 45 minutes later and was more up than down (she would fall asleep for 4 or 5 minutes and then sit up crying) until 2:30 when i finally was able to put her in her crib and turn around without her screaming.

she seems fine today--other than a really runny nose and sad looking eyes--and is just waking up now from her 2nd 2 hour nap. hopefully this means good things for tonight :) it was heartbreaking seeing her so upset-and for so many good reasons-and to only be able to do so much to comfort her.

some sunshine in the midst of this storminess...i went out with my mom yesterday and purchased (what i hope is the majority if not all) avery's fall clothes. i'm holding off buying "real" pants until she starts running around and slimming down her thighs :)

then today i took avery and we bought her new car seat! zane and i have been putting this off for months. she's still in her newborn seat (it goes up to 30lbs) and although she's still within the weight limit, it's a pretty snug fit. hopefully this new seat will give her more comfort and a better view out the window :)

avery figured out on sunday how to climb up the 1st two steps on our stairway (there's a square landing and then the stairs curve after those steps)! zane and i saw it at the same time--it's always nice to see the "firsts" together. but..she hasn't done it since. maybe she's giving us a little break :)

paully

we're at the tail end of an unbelievably hard and amazing weekend. yesterday was a rememberance for paul. held at his aunt's house in the next town over from us. and it was suddenly real...it wasn't just my immediate family talking about some tragedy. it was his mom (SO thankful she made it out from the west coast) and aunts and uncle and cousins and friends all joined together to remember him because he couldn't be there to talk our ears off :) there was an entire body of people so connected to and embraced by paul's life. people got up and spoke, we stood together and "om-ed" him to a better place, we ate and drank. avery's weight on my hip has never felt so reassuring and grounding. this is all a jumble, but that's really the way the whole afternoon felt. surreal. crushing. beautiful.

today, paul's mom came by our house. the house that meant so much to both of them. we showed her where we've had his wedding present to us hanging since we moved in. we showed her where we want to plant something out front in his honor. she showed us where they used to put his little bassinet in the kitchen. and she left us some of his ashes to spread. we will always have a part of him with us in this house, and that part will always feel comfortable, at peace and happy. we'll make sure of it :)

i love her :)

avery with her fish!

i forgot zane took a little video last night of avery with her fish, crawling around...(then there's some commentary on her sleep)

on this harvest moon

i'm cleaning our office/computer room while avery naps and have music on in the background. somehow i get to looking through a bunch of old pictures of avery and as i'm looking at her as a newborn, i'm hearing "because i'm still in love with you, on this harvest moon" and i realize it's september and the harvest moon is coming up! so i wanted to share. mostly old pictures that were never posted.

just born..


days old


3 or 4 weeks...




around 8 weeks...



almost 9 weeks.

i still cant get over how much she's changed and grown. i keep looking at her and she looks more and more like a toddler. i feel like we just drove home from the hospital...(did i ever mention that we drove home (it was FRIGID) and didn't have a key to get into our house? we had lent it to grandma kathy and she was out shopping for supplies :) so we went to our landlords house to get a spare (which they could never find) and avery was hungry and crying and i could hardly sit, let alone crawl in the backseat to feed her. it was a pretty stressful homecoming :)) but then we were home and warm and in love :)

a long and random post. with lots and lots of pictures.

in this post you'll see avery in about 3 different outfits, pictures of our new stroller, her favorite new toy, her new pants that are too big (and a question about pants for anyone that can help) and a rare moment of calm between avery and a book :)

we started the morning off great--the past few nights avery has slept completely through the night, not even waking or crying out and then going back to sleep. (yes, i still wake up at her usual hours, but its getting easier to go right back to sleep.) she's been sleeping through until 8 or 9 (with going to bed between 7 and 8) i don't know if it's the cooler weather that's helping her sleep or maybe the newfound freedom (and with that, exhaustion) of roaming half of the downstairs, but whatever it is, we'll take it. i'm sure writing this tonight will cause our good streak to crumble, but at least we had a taste of rest for a few days.

anyway, back to this morning. we were playing downstairs, having already eaten breakfast. she was sporting her new pants (more on that later) and we were both loving the cool air for a change. she was crawling around when i noticed a funny noise every time she'd move. turns out she's enthralled with a bath tub toy fish that she had when she was in kansas this summer that grandma kathy sent out the other week in a package. she was grasping the fish in one hand, never letting it go while she crawled. when she'd hit the floor with her hand, you could hear a faint whistle from the air being squeezed out of the poor fish :) she took him everywhere and seemed to want to place him on all the furniture around the room.

trying out the shoe bench.

now the stairs, with a brief pause to check out elmo on tv.

there are more pictures of said fish around the room, but you get the idea. she even held onto him the entire drive to babies r us and back :)

k. so babies r us. i went primarily to get our new stroller. but while i was there (and the insane thunderstorm hit) i shopped around for some clothes that will fit her this fall/winter. while i adore her chubby (if that can even describe them) thighs/leg, it's starting to drive me bonkers that pants do not fit her. the tan pants in the first pictures are from old navy, 18-24 months, and are probably not 100% comfortable for her to crawl or sit in. i even tried looking in the toddler boys section, but their legs weren't any wider. very frustrating.

i did find a great pair of jeans on sale at babies r us. not sure if they're boys or not, they seemed to be in the girls section, but either way i dont care. they are enormous on her right now, but they're lined with soft material and can be rolled up until they fit.

so...does anyone know of a good brand that has wide leg pants for babies? please help! (i've resigned myself to the fact that she'll have to be mostly in sweatpants/stretchy pants for a while til her legs lengthen/thin out, but i'd like a few options she can wear with nicer tops.)

and onto tonight...zane got home from work and we (well, he) went to work putting the stroller together. while he got all the parts set up, i fixed the box so avery could crawl through it, tunnel-like. she was unsure, so i showed her the way. yes, i did fit through. i didn't think i would, but i'll do anything for aves :)

now she sees that i've made it through unharmed, she gives it a go.

i put her fishy at the other end as an extra incentive.

she goes for it!

she makes it out the other side and tries to eat the box. somethings never change :)

we let zane work on the stroller some more and after avery kept coming over to my lap to look at the sign language book i was flipping through, i put her on my lap and got one of her books. for the first time she didn't try to rip the pages out (or eat them) and she didn't scream like a banshee when she saw the pictures. she sat quietly on my lap and touched the kitten's fur in the book and helped me turn the pages. i was one of the best moments of today, by far :)

k, enough mushy stuff. avery wanted to check out how zane was coming along with the stroller. she looks pretty professional and serious, sitting there and hovering.

and YAY! our new stroller. the one we have is great for shopping or any other type of smooth terrain. but it does a horrible job on sidewalks, streets, grass. now we'll be able to be out and about and not swear at the wheels for getting stuck on a pebble.

thanks for sharing our day with us!