paully

we're at the tail end of an unbelievably hard and amazing weekend. yesterday was a rememberance for paul. held at his aunt's house in the next town over from us. and it was suddenly real...it wasn't just my immediate family talking about some tragedy. it was his mom (SO thankful she made it out from the west coast) and aunts and uncle and cousins and friends all joined together to remember him because he couldn't be there to talk our ears off :) there was an entire body of people so connected to and embraced by paul's life. people got up and spoke, we stood together and "om-ed" him to a better place, we ate and drank. avery's weight on my hip has never felt so reassuring and grounding. this is all a jumble, but that's really the way the whole afternoon felt. surreal. crushing. beautiful.

today, paul's mom came by our house. the house that meant so much to both of them. we showed her where we've had his wedding present to us hanging since we moved in. we showed her where we want to plant something out front in his honor. she showed us where they used to put his little bassinet in the kitchen. and she left us some of his ashes to spread. we will always have a part of him with us in this house, and that part will always feel comfortable, at peace and happy. we'll make sure of it :)