ok. so not many (actually, make that NO ONE) is seeing this post for another few months, but i want to get it out there for zane and i (and our kiddoS :))
i woke up last night a few times with a strange pounding in my chest. it wasn't painful, just annoying and it wasn't until the 3rd or so time i woke up that i started remembering when i had felt it before.
morning came, zane was downstairs watching sports. avery was just waking up. i decided to take a test--suspicious, but REALLY not expecting anything. almost immediately i saw the "+" forming. i ran to avery's room, grabbed her from her crib and ran downstairs, shoved the test on the arm of the couch next to zane and said "does that look like a plus to you?!?!"
confusion. speechlessness. giddiness. fear. hugs. kisses. avery playing on the rug like any other day...
we took a walk with the dogs and avery and tried to make sense of it all. we went apple picking with the dogs, avery and my mom and i started getting excited seeing all the families there with toddlers and young babies. we come home and it's back to shock.
i started thinking about all those times, in the days and weeks following paul's death, when i'd be sitting with avery in the rocking chair and saying to myself, saying outloud to paul "PLEASE, please give me some sign that you're ok. that we'll all be ok. that things are ok."
in a time of so much hurt and disbelief and grief, i think things are going to be ok :)
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