it does get easier, right?

there have been many phases and stages since becoming a parent that have made me ask myself "this will get easier, right?" and there have probably been just as many that lead me to ask other parents the same question, praying for a positive answer.

a few big ones...

-the realization after you bring the baby home from the hospital and the adrenaline wears off where you think, wait, this child is mine every minute of every hour of every day? amazing how something so simple and obvious makes such a big impression. this was huge for me.

-the stage when something/everything is getting the way of sleep (yours, the baby's, etc.). and as soon as you figure one thing out, another pops up and shatters all your answers.

-the transition from one to two, where all of a sudden there's no downtime. the dread when you realize that if you're up all night with one child, there's no sleeping in in the morning, or napping it off when they do. there's another one that wasn't up all night and will be up at the usual time.

well, i could be wrong, but i think i've entered a phase that will be lifelong. and i don't see it getting any easier.

before we had nola, i was convinced that there was no way we could ever love another child as much as we loved avery. and then there were brief moments where i'd assume i'd feel the same amount of love for #2 and i'd feel guilty like i was somehow neglecting or disrespecting avery. i think every parent of more than one child probably goes through this. and until you experience the next child coming into the world and expanding your heart and emotion and love, it doesn't seem possible. but it is. loving nola so fiercely came as naturally as it did with avery. and i don't feel guilty for loving either one of them to the moon and back. it just all works. and it's amazing.

but...

2 kids. 2 personalities. 2 situations. 2 lives to pay attention to, give attention to, encourage, teach, snuggle, adore...and i WANT to give 110% to each at every point of every day.

but there just aren't enough minutes in the day. i've mentioned it before, but one of the reasons why i like their staggered naps (most days) is that i get to focus on each girl for however brief a time. when they're both awake, fed, changed and happy, that's when it's hard. a really good and fulfilling hard, but hard nonetheless. we're definitely at the stage where each girl knows that she wants attention and special connections, but not really at the stage where we can all enjoy doing the same thing.

avery wants conversation (either from me directly or from me talking through her toys), running around, tickling, new ways to use old toys, stickers, lotion on her hands.
nola wants funny noises, help crawling, testing and exploring with old and new toys, kisses on her neck that make her squeal.
and they'll both be in new phases before we know it. it'll be a transition for all of us.

tonight zane was getting ready to take nola upstairs for bed. he asked avery if she wanted to give nola a kiss. she rushed over to nola and was so careful to gently kiss her head. she started to run away and i called her over to me and pulled her close. i told her how proud i am of her and what a good sister she is. how, when nola is a little older they will be able to play all the time together and will have so much fun.

maybe i was telling avery as much as i was telling myself...just wait. things are wonderful right now. but they're going to get even more wonderful. and enjoyable. and fun. and a little easier?

feel free to answer :)

ps, i'm using this as tomorrow's post. mema's coming to town!