letting go. slowly.

i worked in preschool for a number of years. i saw the moms and dads leaving their little ones with tears in their eyes, slowly shuffling towards the door, blowing just one more kiss and pausing outside the window to make sure their child wasn't screaming and running after them.

i never ridiculed the parents for this. i knew it must be hard to leave your kid. but i knew that myself and the other teachers were capable and caring and would keep the class safe and happy to the best of our ability.

then avery went to playgroup. i thought i understood it so much more. "oh, so that's what it's like to leave a little piece of your heart in someone else's hands for a few hours." as much as i loved my break, it was weird to think of avery doing stuff without me there. but i knew her teacher and had known her for as long as i can remember knowing anything. it became easier and easier at drop off (with the exception of the months where avery screamed for me when i left). this year has been amazing with avery and nola at playgroup. they love it. they have friends. they get excited when i tell them it's a school day. they sing the songs they've learned. it's just part of our lives now and it's good.

so. as i've mentioned a million times lately, i start school in a couple weeks and because a class that i have to take before my practicum next year is only offered on mondays at 1pm, we were clueless about what we were going to do with the girls on mondays.

after calling around and doing a little research, we finally spoke to a preschool/daycare in our area. it happens to be the same preschool that i went to. we went on monday to take a "tour" and figure out our options for childcare.

i had no idea there was another level of difficulty with leaving your child! this time, i may know the facility, but i don't know who i'm leaving my child(ren) with! yes, most of the teachers have been there for 15+ years. yes, we were able to talk with a current member/parent and she seemed really pleased with her sons' care. i have no reservations about the quality or whether the girls will like it there. but NOW i get it.

so, probably in february, avery will start going there 3 afternoons a week. and nola? well, she's not 2.9 yet and since there are no openings in the daycare part, she has to wait until april. which really doesn't solve our issue of childcare on mondays. but we'll figure that part out. zane can take some half days. my parents are around until march sometime when they fly south ;) and we have some other backups we can call on if needed.

the nice thing is that we'll probably use this same place for the girls next year, and since we'll already have a foot in the door, we should be almost guaranteed a spot. but what about the next year? will kindergarten be even harder? my baby in a BIG school with a big kid playground. and big bathrooms. where has the time gone?